So many of us are dealing with the time of alone, coping with the mystery of what happened to the dreams we visualized as children and young women. Now, more than ever, we are living our lives without partners, romance, financial support, sexual satisfaction, human touch, and the gaze of love that nurtures our spirit. It is an epidemic of grand proportions! There is significant lonliness in the 21st Century and women are the greatest casualties of this phenomenon.Lonliness.
I remember reading an article in the early Nineties, while I was living in New York City, which stated that more people than ever are living alone, depressed, broken hearted and dying of lonliness. It actually said that, 'we are dying from lonliness'. It was shocking to see it on paper, but as I thought of it I could see why that would be true.
I remember looking out the window of my New York City high rise apartment thinking, 'there are millions of people out there, why am I so alone?' It seemed unfathomable how could I be sharing the streets with a million New Yorkers and still feel so disconnected? What is going on here? More than any other time in history we are isolated from connection, community and our sense of belonging. Our modern day lives are filled from the moment we awake until we go to sleep at night. We are moving from place to place faster, commuting alone in our cars, keeping to ourselves on public transit, and yet surrounded by thousands of people who are also alone.
Work hours are longer, the distance to work is greater, the pressures of modern day life are heavier, and the divorce rate is higher than ever before in history. Single mom's are a rapidly growing population in America, often left to fend for themselves in a time when two income households are almost the only way to make ends meet. Many modern day women choose to have careers as a way of supporting themselves, to be in control of their own financial security, instead of being financially dependent on a husband as many of our mothers were. This is very different from the paradigm of our female ancestors, when most women were married right out of high school or College, financially dependent on their husband and under the control of his generosity or lack there of. More men are living at home with their parents until later in life.
Family oriented villages and supportive communities are rapidly becoming a thing of the past, with more and more young people moving to the cities to pursue their dreams. The personal computer, the ipod, and cell phones keep the unseen walls wrapped tightly around us. We are increasingly bound to our own little worlds and all of this is occurring at a time of over population, where there are so many possible mates and yet so few coming together. It seems that the foundation of our social fabric is shredding at the seams.Some like to blame the sexual revolution of the sixties, why settle for one partner when you can have many? Others say it is because the power of a woman who makes her own money is intimidating and emasculating to men, and yet others believe that the sexual influences of media and the degradation of a woman's beauty to only super model appeal is a great culprit.
Our values are decreasing at extraordinary rates and the mirror to the true beauty and essence of each of us, as the embodiment of love and innocence, is harder to see. The result is greater isolation of human beings from one another. This is new territory for women, this time of alone, this isolation from love, this Exile on Main Street America, and most of us are navigating it without a map.Yet deep within our cells, men and women alike, are brimming with the desire for connection.
Exile is known to be the worst of all tortures world wide, and yet we are doing it to ourselves everyday, in every city and every state. At the root of exile is self-exile, and the many ways in which we disconnect from our true and authentic selves.Self-Exile.Self-exile is the place where we abandon ourselves, the place where we allow what is less than our uniqueness, our worthiness, our creativity, our innocence, our joy and our POWER to rule. Self-exile is the common thread of isolation, which can nestle into your body and into your bones as depression, addiction, low self-esteem, and a sense of not being good enough to partake in the loving connectedness of the human experience. As we lose our loving connections to each other and our nurturing community experiences, the act of self-exile poses a greater and greater threat to women, men and children universally.
Honoring Yourself in the Time of Alone.We begin with the women in the time of alone, this can be a tricky place to be especially if you want to be in a relationship. Many women are glad to be out of relationships and free to do what they like, but for those women who are unhappy in the time of alone, this can take a serious toll on their sense of self-worth. Even women in relationships can find themselves in the time of alone, it can summon any of us at anytime. In the time of alone, women can spend days, months, years wanting what they haven't got, pining away for that perfect partner to appear, stuck in the misery of the victim or loser whose life seems of no value without that man, woman, partnership or outside support. These women can melt into the abyss of darkness, lost for ages and desperate to be saved.
These are the women I am most concerned about for these are places where I have dwelled, and it is sad, scary and dark down there. When we go down, it is imperative to take 'the flashlight' with us. This is the light within us that is always alive, even when we don't see it, the spark and ember of life and light is always burning.
When you are deep in the dark turn it on, it will light your way so that the mystery of your truth and beauty can be discovered. We are divine and creative beings by nature, there is no need for any child of the universe to feel the emptiness and grief of that kind of despair. To these women I offer some new possibilities, ways into the lit pathway of wholeness, ways to honor yourself in the time of alone. If you are looking for a partner, hire a Life Coach. A Life Coach is a partner who will go on a journey with you.
A journey of self-discovery, of following your dreams, of connecting to your purpose and of creating the life you truly want to live. A Life Coach is someone who sees your dream with you, and believes in your ability to manifest your visions. A Life Coach is a cheerleader, hand holder, friend, partner, listener, sounding board, motivator and guide to help you move through your self-imposed limitations, your dark places, your negative self-talk and stagnation and into the goals you are dreaming of. A Life Coach is an accountability partner that keeps you on the track of where you want to be going.
There is great value in putting together a team of support as you travel your path, working with a coach is a gift you give yourself, you are worth it and you deserve it. If you have been caught in a slump for a long time, this could be exactly the kind of support you need. Get ready to move and attract the life and partnership you truly desire, with this kind of support miracles do happen.Great support can come to you through a woman's group, like the Sacred Woman's Circle, is a great way to create community, to give and receive support, to laugh, cry and share stories, to empower eachother in positive ways, and to see yourself whole in the eyes of another. A woman's group is one of the best ways to nurture your feminine spirit and to know you are not alone.
Find one or start your own, eat, drink and be merry as you gather the women. Women are natural supporters and nurturers of eachother, as women have gathered together for centuries, in their tribal councils, family holidays, bookclubs, they have held the fabric of community and connection together. A women's group is a great source and resource for a more gratifying, heart centered and fulfilling life.
One of my favorite concepts for the single woman, is to 'Marry Yourself', in the meantime. Yes, I said marry yourselves; you need to be in partnership with yourself always, this is a beautiful gift you can give to yourself. Create a ceremony, invite your friends or do it alone, take the vows and promise to love and to accept, to nurture and to care, to have and to hold, in sickness, beauty, aging and health, and to be gentle and loving with your precious selves until death do you part. Write up the contract and keep it in a special place.
A commitment to self is in essence a commitment to your greatest love, a powerful and nurturing partner who will be with you always. To understand this is priceless wisdom.Invitation.
It is essential that we are vigilant in our awareness to keep the negative self-talk and isolating thoughts from circling in our heads. Keeping the brainwaves stuck on the same old dial, repeating the same tunes of the abandoned child, is a modern age dilemma, that keeps us stuck in the muck. Pull out the flashlight and lighten up the space.I honor women in the time of alone, I honor all women, men, children and animals in all stages of life.
I honor the beauty and bounty of our world and our glorious blue planet. I honor the struggle for love and connection in these isolating times. And I invite you to join me in opening our circles even wider to hold the love of the world within. You are all invited into my sacred women's circle, you are invited to a new community, you are invited to connect..
For more information on the Sacred Woman's Circle contact: Elizabeth Stahl http://www.Mygoddessparty.com.Elizabeth Stahl is the creator of Star of Aphrodite Life Coaching and the Sacred Woman's Circle ? a forum for mining the gold in all women.
Coaching Women through life changes, transformation and growth, Star of Aphrodite Life Coaching is a gentle and powerful journey into your own magnificence.Elizabeth Stahl is also the creator and facilitator of the Goddess Party, a beautiful celebration of women, friendship and the feminine spirit.Elizabeth has 15 years of experience as a healer and teacher of women's wellness that she brings to her coaching clients and students. She is available for private sessions, group work, classes and workshops.Truth is Beauty, Beauty Truth.
By: Elizabeth Stahl