Nothing Anne does seems to please her boss. And the harder Anne tries, the more mistakes she makes. No matter how carefully she edits a report, her boss will find a typo in it.
No matter how carefully Anne thinks something through, her boss will always say "Did you think about this other thing?" Anne is starting to feel hopelessly incompetent.Julie is starting yet another diet. She's full of resolve.
She stocked the fridge with fresh fruits and vegetables, she invested in a new pair of running shoes, and she replaced her old portable dvd player with an ipod. Her husband laughs at her and asks how long it will last this time. Her children complain that there are no snacks in the refrigerator, and insist that a loving mom wouldn't deprive her children just because she was on a diet.
Julie is starting to wonder if maybe they're right about her. She's never stuck to a diet in the past, so why would things be different this time? And what kind of mother is she if her kids think she doesn't love them?.Nancy is reluctantly accompanying her husband to another boring office party. She hates them.
The women he works with are so glamorous and accomplished that Nancy feels like a frump in their presence. Sometimes the men flirt with her a little bit, which is humiliating because she knows that they're really just making fun of her. She knows her husband wishes she were more beautiful and interesting, but he's stuck with her.What do these three women have in common? They all allow other people's opinions of them to be more important than their opinions of themselves. And they never entertain the possibility that other people's opinions might be wrong, or even that they don't even know what other people's opinions are!.
Anne assumes that her boss is always right. After all, he's the boss. If he thinks she's an incompetent boob, it must be so. After all, Anne has reams of experiences to validate this.
Only someone completely incompetent would make so many errors.Maybe her boss is wrong. Maybe he's too quick to criticize and not willing enough to let her learn. Maybe with another boss, Anne would flourish.Julie lets her family erode her resolve.
She's letting the past dictate her future. So what if this is the fiftieth time she's tried to lose weight? The only way to figure out how to lose weight is to keep trying, even after failing. Most people who have successfully lost weight and kept it off report that it took many attempts and many backslides before they were finally able to get it off permanently. And as for her children, the best way to love them is to be as healthy as she can be, and by modeling healthy behavior for them.And how does Nancy know that the men at her husband's office party aren't really flirting with her? Is she a mind reader? Why doesn't she give the experience a different interpretation? She might interpret it as "Wow, I must really be attractive!" Or "Wow, these men are jerks!" And how does she know that her husband wishes she were more beautiful and interesting? Maybe he's proud to take her to his office parties to show her off.
Maybe all the other women at the office envy her.The lesson is: Same experience, different interpretation. In other words, for every experience any of us has, we can apply a million different interpretations, and more often than not, we don't know which one is "correct." So why not choose the one we prefer?.When someone snaps at you at work, you can be sad that the person doesn't like you, you can be angry and indignant, you can wonder what's going on in that person's life and know that it has nothing to do with you, you can recoil in fear, or you can laugh.
When your husband reads the paper at the breakfast table, you can be annoyed that he's ignoring you, you can be curious about what's in the news that is holding his attention, you can grieve that he's not interested in you anymore, or you can be grateful that he's not paying attention to you because you wanted to tweeze your chin at the breakfast table anyway.Your self esteem belongs to you. Nobody has a right to it.
Nobody else has any business controlling it. If you think other people have opinions about you that bother you, consider that you can't read their minds, so you can't be sure what their opinions are anyway, and consider that it doesn't much matter what their opinions of you are anyway..
Holly Zenith is a professional woman by day and a netpreneur by night. Her mission is to help women move forward in their lives and make their dreams come true. Please visit her at http://hollyzenith.com/sq.html.
By: Holly Zenith